You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
