I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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