just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just found puke in my bra..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
