If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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