So drunk its hurt
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
