Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Randomize
