You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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