lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
