My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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