I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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