so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
