also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
