after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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