i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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