Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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