is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Small penises have feelings too.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
