there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
