Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
