I wish I only lived at night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
