I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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