It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
