is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
