Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
