wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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