you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
