Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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