One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
