you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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