I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
