Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
