Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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