You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
