Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
