Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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