I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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