College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
