There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
