My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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