Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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