I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
