I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
