just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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