Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
