there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
