FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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