i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
