Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
