also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
