4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
