all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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