Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
