I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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