Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
